Breaking up with someone can be a very hard and painful act, especially if you have been together a long time. Even worse is having someone else breakup with you. Whether you are a girl or a guy, there’s no denying that breakups hurt.
A lot of people will succumb to grief and self-pity after their hearts have been broken. It is ok to cry, and expressing your emotions is actually a good thing, but wallowing in this sorrow isn’t going to help the situation. If you want to recover and stop the pain you’ve got to show action, not angst.
One factor that might be causing prolonged anxiety is the belief that he or she might get back together with you. Hope is dangerous in these types of situations because it can make the heartache even worse. The best thing to do is to call and make sure that there is no chance of getting back together. Once you have this affirmation you can let go of that hope and start the recovery process.
People handle grief differently, but the fact is all of them want to get over it as soon as possible. Here are ten different ways to recover from your breakup quickly.
- Face the problem. Many people try to keep themselves busy after a breakup, as though more distractions will keep their mind off of the situation. But feigning ignorance or seeking avoidance will only make the problem worse and prolong your suffering. Drinking your problems away won’t get rid of them – they’ll be back the next morning alongside the hangover.
The best thing you can do is to replace avoidance with acceptance. Accept there is no hope of getting back together and accept that you have to move on. Facing the problem instead of avoiding it will put you on the fast track in the healing process, and you’ll be over your heartbreak in no time.
- Skip the pity party. If you want to heal quickly, you’ve got to get out of the mentality that you are the victim. Maybe the breakup was your fault, maybe it wasn’t. Either way it happened and you have to move on. You can only begin recovery when you have stopped feeling sorry for yourself.
- Share your feelings. Expressing your negative feelings causes your brain to release opioids, which are the body’s natural painkillers. It is good to get your feelings out in the open instead of harboring them within yourself. Not sharing has a greater chance of leading to bitterness, and being bitter will greatly slow down your healing process.
Find someone close to you that you can confide in. Friends and family members will be more than willing to lend an ear to your problems, and they will receive you with love. You can also talk to someone like a pastor, a mentor, or a therapist. Finally, even if you don’t talk to someone else about your problem, just talking about it to yourself out loud will help. You can pretend you are talking to your ex and just rant away.
- Avoid living in the past. Some movies show people building huge bonfires of their ex’s belongings after a breakup. This may be a little extreme, but the idea is you have to take everything that reminds you of him or her and remove it from your life. You can’t expect to move on when there are little pieces of your ex clinging to your house or your car. It can be really hard to let go of something that once had so much emotional value to you, but cutting it off will accelerate your healing and recovery.
Destroy old love letters, photos, CDs, presents and gifts – everything that links to your ex. Burning the past is a very cathartic method, but you can also give the gifts away or throw everything in the trash. None of those things will be meaningful a year down the road, or when you have met the love of your life. Also, avoid checking your ex’s Facebook page or trying to find out about him or her through mutual friends. A clean break is the best policy.
- Avoid your ex. Some people think that they can “just be friends” with their ex. This might be possible eventually, but it certainly isn’t immediately. You need some time on your own for healing. Staying in contact and hanging out with your ex can make things confusing and emotional and it will slow down your recovery.
You might also want to stay good friends because of how close the two of you were in your relationship. But being in love and being friends are two completely different things. Having time apart might make you realize that this is a destructive idea and that the best thing you can do is to just move on.
- Revive other relationships. When you are in a dating relationship, especially an intensely physical and emotional one, your other relationships with friends and family often get pushed to the side. When you have lost the center of your world (i.e. your ex) you will realize just how much you have isolated yourself from others.
Take the time to restore relationships and spend time with these neglected people. It is easier to get over a breakup quickly when you focus on reviving these old relationships. You will also find multiple opportunities to share your feelings, which was noted before as being a quick healing agent.
- Rebuild your ego. Even if the end of the relationship wasn’t your fault, you will most likely come away with a bruised sense of self-worth. The best thing you can do is to slowly rebuild your image. Instead of throwing yourself back into the dating ring, do group activities where you can make new friends, such as playing sports, joining a nature group, taking dance lessons, etc. Working out at the gym and toning your body is a great way to rebuild your confidence with women.
- Don’t give in to relationship dependency. Some people will try to mask their pain through a dependency on members of the opposite gender. Casual sex and a string of short-lived relationships might become the norm. You might think that this will help you forget about the pain, but it is just a temporary Band-Aid. You can’t put a patch on something that is broken; you have to take the time to fix it.
Take a break from dating while you recover. Taking the time to slow down and reinvent yourself will make you stronger and speed up the healing process. Once you have dealt with your feelings and emotions then you will be prepared to find a relationship that is meaningful.
- Find motivation. You may find yourself struggling to care about anything post-breakup. Performance in school or work may drop, and you might even behave in a violent or erratic manner. Even if you have faced the problem and realized its reality, you may feel a general sense of purposelessness. The quicker you put meaning back into your life, the quicker you can move on from your breakup.
Motivation is something unique to an individual. There are common things that motivate everyone, like training at the gym, but you may also have personal things that will motivate you. Take a moment to think about your goals and aspirations. Make a list and then start working to make these things happen. Meeting a goal or partaking in a hobby will motivate you towards forgetting your heartache and focusing on success.
- Reinvent your future. You probably had some sort of future mapped out with your ex. You were preparing for a vacation, you were planning on moving in together, or you might have even been thinking of getting married. Obviously any plans you had with your ex are obsolete now, but don’t despair. Turn it into a positive by considering all of the wonderful alternatives that lie before you.
This is your chance to do something you have always wanted to do but couldn’t in the constraints of your particular relationship. Take some time to think about new and exciting possibilities for your life. You could move to another city, start a new job, try that weird restaurant you’ve always wanted to eat at, buy a new apartment; the list goes on. It is ok to do a little something for yourself, and reinventing your future is a quick and easy way to feel like a new person.
Relationships are great when they are going well and terrible when they end. It is up to you to take control of your recovery after a breakup. Find help and purpose in these ten ways to speed up your healing, reinvent your mind and body, and emerge from the rubble as a new person, independent and capable of overcoming the pain.