It has been said that guys can’t have friends who are girls. While this is not always true, there is something in the way we are wired as human beings that makes attraction to the opposite sex unavoidable. What matters is how you act on those feelings of attraction.
So there is a girl who is a really good friend, maybe even your best friend, and you think you like her as more than friends. What do you do next? How do you even bring up the subject? Will your relationship survive if she says no? Revealing these feelings of attraction to your best friend can be a scary thought, but it is possible.
Here are eight tips for expressing your feelings to that special someone.
- Make sure that this is what you want. Think about your feelings for her. Are they based on physical attraction, or is there something more? Obviously the two of you will probably share a deeper connection because of your close friendship, so it’s up to you to ascertain whether or not this connection could turn into something romantic. But if you think about it and you’re certain that you like her, then our best advice is to go for it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
- Be with her as much as possible. Shopping, going to the movies, out to eat with friends, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are making every effort to show that you want to spend time with her (Read: 10 Movies Perfect for a First Date).
- Be with her emotionally. Best friends and boyfriends share many similar attributes, and one of those is being available and connected on an emotional level. Learn what makes her laugh and console her when she is sad. Show that you care about her and don’t mind being around her regardless of what kind of mood she is in. Trust me, she will notice and appreciate your efforts!
- Don’t be afraid of the family. Whether it is family dinners or family reunions, don’t shy away from spending time with her family members. She will notice your willingness to hang out with her family; the people she might not want just anyone to meet. If she says yes then having family members already like you will make the transition to boyfriend much easier. Some people might already think the two of you are together. Don’t deny or confirm this, just let things run their course for the time being.
- Physical contact is important. There is something profoundly meaningful about physical touch, and it has the power to express feelings that your words cannot. The key here is to start slowly and work your way up. When you first meet you start with handshakes. Then gentle pushing and flirting. Then a side hug, which soon develops into a full hug every time you meet and part. Maybe there is poking and tickle fights when casually flirting. The hugs show a deep emotional bond, and the tickles and pokes show your fun flirtatious side. All of these acts of physical touch will strengthen your relationship, and she might even start to develop romantic feelings for you (if she hasn’t already).
- The time has come to tell her. The most important thing you can do, after growing and nurturing your relationship with this girl, is to tell her how you feel. There is no point in wasting away wondering if she likes you, and constantly thinking about how you like her is going to make things very awkward. The direct approach is best. Take her somewhere where the two of you can be alone and without distractions. The words you use have to be your own and from the heart, but the basic plan should be to tell her that your feelings for her have changed into something more than just friendship and you wanted to know if she felt the same.
- You’re done, the next move is hers. If she says she feels the same then it’s time for a first date! If she asks for some sort of proof of how much you love her then this is a great opportunity for a first kiss. But, if she says she needs some time to think about it then you have to give her space. Be patient and don’t pressure her. Considering the closeness of your relationship these are delicate feelings you have stirred up and she might need time to make sense of them. In a worst case scenario she could say no. Then you will have to decide together where your relationship goes from there.
- Deal with the “no” in a mature way. Don’t lash out or get upset with her. Save that for when you are by yourself. You will each need to decide if being friends will still work out. If you’ve followed all of the tips above then you should have a deep connection with her that will allow your friendship to continue as it was (but with less tickle fights). You should decide ahead of time what you are going to do if she says no. If the friend zone won’t cut it anymore, then it is best to severe ties and go your separate ways or else things will just get awkward.
Even if things don’t go the way you had hoped they would, try your best to stay friends. You don’t want to lose that great relationship you had. And who knows, because of the seed you have planted in her mind, over time she might realize reciprocal feelings of attraction and you might end up together after all.