There are so many ideas about how to have “perfect” relationships out there. But the truth is that no relationship is really perfect because no person is perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes in some ways—usually in many ways!
So when looking for “the one,” remember that he is a human and is not necessarily going to fulfill all of the requirements you think your husband needs.
However, there are some good indicators of husband material. These are the basic things that every man should meet if you are thinking seriously marriage.
Read this list to see if your man has these qualities that can make or break a serious relationship. If he is lacking in any of these areas then you need to decide whether you are going to discuss it with him or break things off.
Just remember, he might not be a fairytale Prince Charming, but he can still be your perfect match!
- Friendship. One of the most important and overlooked qualities in a soul mate is friendship. Our culture is full of myths about relationships and the biggest myth is that romance is the key factor in a successful relationship. Romance can come and go, but if you are best friends with your spouse, you will last forever. Think about your best girlfriend—you talk to her about anything and everything, you hang out just to enjoy each other’s company, and you don’t really have to work that hard to stay friends, it just kind of happens.
That should be the same way it is with your man. Could you go to the grocery store and have a good time simply because you are there with him? Could you talk about your day without having any kind of hidden motive? Do you enjoy doing mundane things with him like cleaning or cooking? Establishing a solid friendship with your man is the first step to a successful marriage. Make sure he is best friend material before you consider him for husband material.
- Family. Family values are an extremely important indicator of your compatibility. Would you want this man to raise your children? Does he even want children? Are you comfortable with his family—and is he comfortable with yours? Do you have similar ideas about parenting? You both already have families that require adapting to and integrating with, but don’t forget that when you get married you are creating a new family together.
Remember that “husband” is only one of his roles. If family is something very important to you, and he is not a “family man,” then you might want to reconsider marrying him. However, if the two of you line up in your ideas about family, he could be the one for you!
- Finances. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can definitely destroy it. Your man doesn’t have to be rich to be “the one,” but he certainly needs to be responsible. How does he handle finances? Is he smart with his money, or does he spend it without thinking? One of the top things that couples fight about is money, so you have to make sure that you are both open and honest with each other about your financial situation. For example, if he has a ton of debt that he has been keeping a secret, you might want to reconsider if he is your perfect match.
Most money issues aren’t necessarily deal breakers though; they just need to be worked through. Be sure that you are each on the same page and that you are both willing to discuss money. If he is stable and responsible, he is a good catch—even if he doesn’t have a lot of money.
- Fidelity. This is one of the most important qualities to look for. The old saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” might not be true for everyone, but it is definitely something to consider. Has he cheated in past relationships? Does he flirt with other women, thinking it is harmless? Worse, has he cheated on you?
Trust is difficultly earned and easily broken. So make sure that he is completely committed to you before you marry him. If he is loyal and true to you, that is a good sign that he is in it for the long haul.
- Forthcoming. Along with trust, honesty can make or break a relationship. Is the forthcoming about his past? Does he let you in on his secrets? Do you both share your thoughts with each other easily and frequently? In order to build trust in a relationship, honesty must be first.
Also, if he is forthcoming about his life in your relationship right now, it is a good indicator that he will continue that habit into your marriage. You should know a good deal about the other person anyways if you are considering marriage. Beware of thinking that he will become more open once you get married—that could result in a broken heart.
- Faith. Sometimes there are unsaid expectations concerning faith between couples. For example, your man could be expecting you to convert to Catholicism in order to please his traditional mother. Or, you could be expecting him to go to church every Sunday like your family did growing up, even though he has never been to church a day in his life.
No matter what religion you ascribe to, be sure to address this crucial part of your life with your potential hubby. If you share different beliefs, there are two options: compromise or don’t. If you cannot compromise, you might consider extending your search for your soul mate. Hopefully your beliefs will align with each other, making it very easy to get along.
- Fun. Many couples experience a “slump” at some point in their marriage and feel like they are roommates instead of lovers. One of the best ways to keep your relationship strong is to remember to have fun! Do you have fun with your man? Does he make you laugh? Can you be silly together? If he is already too serious, know that marriage will probably make him more serious. It is so important to be able to have fun with your spouse!
You should also question if he can have fun with your friends—and can you have fun with his? For many couples, friends have to give their approval in order for a relationship to thrive. If you’re sure that you can have fun with him, then your friends and your marriage will definitely mimic those fun “dating” days.
- No fear. Many women need to feel protected when they are with their spouse. Would your man fight for you if it became necessary, or would he run away scared? He doesn’t have to be the biggest, strongest man in the world to have a “no fear” personality. As long as he is looking after your safety and well-being, you have a keeper.
However, fear is not limited to the physical. Is he bold in how he pursues you and fights for you emotionally? Does he shut down when you start to express feelings? In marriage, you want a man that will listen to you and not be afraid of feelings. You also want a man that will boldly, but lovingly, confront you when necessary.
This boldness should also overlap into how he “dates” you. Is he intentional about pursuing you, or does he leave that to you? If he is already lazy with dating you, you can be sure that he will be even lazier about pursuing you once he has you as his wife. If your man is fearless and bold, you are one lucky woman!