Imagine suspecting your husband is cheating on you, only to find out that the person he has been seeking late night dalliances with is not a woman but actually a man. You might be shocked and surprised, but this has happened to more women than you think.
Your husband might not have realized how strong his feelings for other men were until after you were married. Or he might have been trying to quell these emotions by marrying into a straight relationship. It is also possible that he deeply cares for you and decided to marry you despite his big secret.
Whatever the reason, if you are afraid your husband might be gay you will want to know for sure. And the best way to do that is with software such as Bust-a-Cheater.
Finding out about your husband’s homosexual leanings is going to evoke a lot of hurt feelings and negative emotions in both parties, so you have to be sure. If you feel like “spying” on your husband is crossing the line, there are some potential warning signs you can look for first.
However, if more than a few of these signs are present, you should probably find our for sure before you make any blunt accusations.
And that may mean you have to do something you are not comfortable with in the end. The last thing you want to do is sit around for years, only to find out your fears were true the entire time.
You also have to be careful to look for indications that are clearly homosexual, because some of these warnings are also suggestions that your spouse is cheating heterosexually.
Here are six indications that your husband may have homosexual inclinations.
- Decline in intimacy. A normal, healthy relationship between a husband and wife should include things like kissing, cuddling, and holding hands. If your husband has recently been shunning the loving embraces and other signs of adoration, you might have a problem on your hands. He could be evading these things because he feels guilty about his secret. Another possibility is that he eludes them because they simply no longer hold any interest or attraction to him.
- Decline in sexual interest. This is a big one, as men are wired to think about sex on a daily basis. Your husband might claim that the two of you are having sex too often or that you have become aggressive and oversexed. Or he might seem distant and robotic in what are supposed to be your moments of greatest intimacy. He might argue that a decline in sexual activity is par for course in marriage, but usually this decrease will happen early on rather than later if something is wrong.
Such behaviors are also signs that your husband may be cheating on you with another woman. However, there may be some more extreme cases that tell you otherwise. For example, your husband might unexpectedly be in to you using sex toys on him, because he is suddenly feeling “kinky”. Or he may act as though he is not turned on anymore by, and have no interest in, your female parts.
- Acts of avoidance. Along with a decrease in intimacy, there are other acts of avoidance that may indicate your husband is gay. Communication is key to a healthy marriage, and if you notice a sharp decline in your husband’s attempts to talk to you then something might be wrong. He may also start promoting other behaviors that put a physical and emotional distance between the two of you, such as sleeping on the couch even though neither of you snores nor does gymnastics in your sleep.
- Homophobic behavior. In some cases your husband may exhibit an extremely homophobic attitude. This behavior can include things like cruel jokes about gays, obvious anger towards another gay man, or frequent use of the words “gay” and “homosexual” in a derogatory way. Of course some heterosexual men are just like this and there is no underlying reason. But, as odd as it seems, your husband could be doing this because he himself is secretly gay. He may not have yet accepted his gay nature, and so is lashing out in anger. Or he could be frustrated because he cannot express his true feelings like other homosexual men outside of marriage can.
- Homosexual pornography. This may sound a bit obvious, but it is worth noting. Some men may accidentally come across a homosexual site or watch a porn video with a gay scene in it. But if you start noticing a bunch of pop-up ads for gay pornography or realize that your browsing history is full of gay porn sites, then there is probably something else going on.
Your husband may insist that he does not know why there are gay pop-up ads, but in most cases these only appear because ad trackers in the web browser note that gay porn sites have been visited. Also, if you notice that the browsing history on your computer gets deleted quite frequently then you husband is definitely hiding something.
- Excessive amount of time with men. There is a point where bro time ends and the amount of time your husband is spending with other men becomes questionable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your husband having guy friends and spending time with them. What becomes worrisome is when your husband is flaky and suspicious about it.
If he is spending a lot of time with men who you do not know or who he will not identify, there may be a problem. There may also be an issue if he is trying to hide how much he texts and talks on the phone with other guys. He should not be showing more intimacy and interest to other men than he is to you.
There is also nothing wrong with your husband having a gay best friend. Once again you just have to monitor how much alone time he spends with this person and whether or not he acts suspicious about what he has been doing. In some instances women have noticed that their husbands will visit gay bars to “hang out with their gay friend(s)”. You can probably let this slide the first time, but if it becomes a habit you may find out your husband is having a little bit too much fun there.
These red flags are some of the most obvious ones that secretly gay husbands display. There are others, but these are the most common. They may mean something, they may not. You have to decide for yourself based on what you have noticed. Of course some men might not demonstrate any of these warnings signs and it will be years before you find out the truth.
Women should follow their instincts when it comes to discerning whether or not their husband is homosexual. If they think something is up, it probably is. Again it’s best to be certain, so using something like Bust-a-Cheater to find out for sure is totally okay.
It can be a hard thing to learn that the man you have pledged your life to is actually gay, especially if the two of you have had kids together. Some couples work through it with kindness and compassion, others break things off in rage. There is a good chance that even if your gay husband does not love you sexually, he still loves you as a close friend, and hopefully there will be no bad blood when things get settled.