The question, “Can this marriage be saved” demands a lot of blunt, objective honesty. This article reveals the 3 hard questions you need to ask…and answer.
Before we get into the meat of this article, we have to ask you (and your partner) to be honest with yourselves and ask this question, “Do both of you really want to make this work”
I ask you to do that because at the point when people wonder if their relationship can be saved, chances are that the marriage is in dire straits. If it doesn’t seem that your partner is currently interested in continuing this relationship, then well you may already have a difficult answer to your question.
That said, if you feel that there’s a glimmer of hope, and want to do everything you can to save your relationship, then were here to help you. This article is a distillation of some of the best relationship advice available, and though it’s obviously not a book, it can give you some very solid tips, perspectives, and guidelines to use.
Let’s get started right away.
Is This Marriage or Relationship Worth Saving?
For some readers, the answer to this question seems like a definite, “Yes.” Or, it may not apply to you if you’re from a more secular, less religious background.
However, if people in your life have some strict standards that say that you’re not supposed to be divorced, then you’re understandably very concerned about ending your relationship. Or, you may be more afraid of not being married, than you are of staying in this relationship, even if it’s an unhealthy arrangement.
If this relationship isn’t healthy””-say, it’s abusive, and there are children involved””-then you really need to think about whether it’s safe for everyone involved to stay in this relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to be in an abusive relationship to ask if it’s worth saving or not.
One way to answer this question is to ask, “Have we grown too far apart? Are we different people than the 2 who married each other” Now, a vow is a vow, and marriages should last “till death do us apart,” but if you don’t recognize the person you married, then your marriage has a big obstacle to overcome.
Do You Both Really Want To Continue?
A relationship is a 2-way endeavor, and if one person doesn’t want to continue, then the relationship will”-to put it lightly”-become stale.Here’s an important thing to keep in mind: It may not be that they “don’t want to continue,” but rather, that other factors have put a lot of strain on the relationship.
Illness, financial challenges, children, and sharing of responsibilities can challenge a relationship.For most relationships, these aren’t impossible obstacles. They’ve been challenging humans for thousands of years. All you have to do is find a number of ways to work through them.
You have to be prepared to do the work it takes to make sure your relationship lasts.You have to determine what you need to do and what you want in detail.
You have to list everything that’s challenging the 2 of you and devise ways to handle those challenges.
What Made You Fall In Love In The First Place?
Here’s an exercise you can do. It may sound cheesy, but it’s worked in the past: both of you write down when you first realized you were in love, and then, state those to each other.
It may feel odd to do it now, but just do it an get it over with. If anything, it’s a good communication opener and can help foster discussion, which is very much needed.
Tentative (and Potential) Solutions
Of course, the best solution to this situation of for the 2 of you to save your marriage. We hope that’s the outcome of this article, and in the mean time, here are some actions you can take:
See a Marriage Counselor
Be sure to pick a marriage counselor who places value on staying together. There are some family-oriented counselors who have a lot of experience helping couples like you get through this situation.
Can Anything Be Reversed?
That is, was there some damage done that caused you to ask if this relationship can be saved?
It happens. And believe it or not, that can be worked through.Another thing that can destroy marriages is the loss of a child. I’ve heard that in 80% of the time, it leads to divorce.
But there’s still the 20% of the time where it doesn’t so despite how traumatic it is, it’s not an impossible situation.
Agree to Be Separated For A While
I was a bit hesitant to include this “solution” here, because it may not end well, but it might be more plausible for non-married couples. Sometimes, a bit of time away from each other can re-kindle things.
Look At What’s At Risk
What do you have to lose if your relationship ends? How will your children get along? What about the house?
Granted, you ultimately shouldn’t stay together just because you have kids. Doing so can create a lot of resentment.
But ultimately, you have to do a cost-benefit analysis and really decide the fate of your relationship.
So, there you have it: 3 questions that will help you determine whether your marriage can be saved. Are they the only questions you need to consider? Probably not, as each relationship is different.
If anything, they’re a solid start. The challenge when going through this is emotion can overtake logic, so be sure to explore them honestly and objectively.