You’re in a relationship and you have hit a slump. Maybe you have even been in that slump for a while. However, you don’t want to just give up. It can be difficult feeling like you have to start over in a relationship that you have been in for a while. You don’t necessarily have to start over. You just need to remember how your relationship started and figure out how to bring some of that magic back.
Not everything can be fixed with flowers and a card. Instead of just saying “sorry” and expecting everything to change and get better, there are some things you can do to make your relationship healthier, happier, and just better.
Just remember that relationships take work. Your relationship will not be immediately fixed. It could take weeks, or even months, to get to a place that you feel better about. However, you just have to keep putting effort into it if you really care.
Here are some tips for rekindling romance in your relationship.
- Intentionality. Sometimes relationships start to head south when intentionality stops. In the beginning of your relationship, you probably did everything intentionally—you made efforts to look you best and act your best. You thought of things that would make the other person happy. You put them first. Now that you have both gotten more comfortable with each other, you don’t have to be intentional any more. You can just assume they don’t ever have plans. You can guarantee that they will like you even if you aren’t dressed your best. Getting to this level of trust is not a bad thing, but it can damage a relationship when the intentionality goes away. Try being more intentional about that other person in the same way that you were when you first met them.
- Communication. Sometimes romance can start to die because communication declines, and in some cases, completely disappears. It can be easy to take communication for granted, especially with technology. It seems like you are “communicating” all the time because of the constant influx of texting and social media. However, are you actually talking about anything that matters? Better yet, are you listening well? Talking is only half of communication. Listening is crucial. Be sure to listen well to your significant other so that you know what they want and need.
- Date. Although it seems redundant to say that you need to date someone you are dating, it is worth repeating. Many couples get so used to each other that they stop dating each other. There is none of the “magic” that was present at first. You have to be intentional about dating your significant other. Be sure to make time to spend with each other that goes beyond just “hanging out.” Do something exciting and fun that you don’t normally do. Spice things up with new date ideas. Make sure that you both remember why you liked each other in the first place! (Read: 10 Movies Perfect for a First Date)
- Care. This is obvious, right? Care about the person you love. However, even if you actually do care deep down about them, it might not be showing. Show them that you care. Remind them that you love them and that you chose them. Sometimes, this is all it can take to remind that person that you actually do care about them. Many times, care is just an assumed thing. This is one of those qualities in a relationship that needs to be addressed or it could result in a feeling of being unloved. Be sure to show that you care!
- The little things. Sometimes, it is the little things that count. It is easy to stop doing these in a relationship. Remember when you would randomly bring her flowers? Or when you would cook him dinner just because? Try to be more intentional about doing those little things again. Leave a sweet note on their car. Remember to actually say “I love you.” Go out of your way to open a door for her. Keeping the little things alive can save realtionships because what these actions are really saying is “I care about you.”
- Hold hands. In many waning relationships, one of the first things to go is intimacy. You used to hold hands and cuddle all the time, but now you just kind of walk next to each other and you sit on opposite sides of the couch. Want to rekindle that love? Remember to be intentional about physical affection. Sometimes, a hug can make all the difference in the world. A kiss can make a bad day good. be sure to show that person that you love them by your affections, not just your words.
- Be selfless. Some relationships can suffer because of selfishness. The best way to keep a relationship healthy is if you are more concerned with the other person than yourself. Your girlfriend hates cleaning dishes, so after dinner, step up and clean them for her. Your boyfriend has a hard time driving at night, so offer to drive for him. This is one of the best ways to show love. When you put someone above yourself, it will not go unnoticed.
- Spontaneity. Do you feel like your relationship is getting boring? Do you feel like the excitement has slowly gone away? Try adding some spontaneity into your relationship! When you get in to too many routines, things can get boring. And when things get boring, there can be some resentment. Try to spice things up with some spontaneous trips or dates! If you normally do dinner and a movie every Friday night, try a drive in movie instead of the normal theatre. If you eat lunch at the same place every week, make it a goal to try new restaurants that you are both interested in! Doing this will create fun experiences that turn into treasured memories—and who knows, it could even save your relationship!